We’re in full swing for the holiday season here on Guyism and we wanted to pass some advice to our readers who, undoubtedly, have to attend an office party. So without further adieu, here’s seven social faux pas to avoid, lest you find yourself without a job the following Monday.
7 DON’T…get sloppy drunk
A drink or two? More than acceptable. If you have some tolerance, maybe even throw down that third or fourth glass of scotch. But by no means should you relive your drunken frat days at Sigma Chi by swilling copious amount of Belvedere Vodka. Not only will you look like a fool in the process but it may very well cost you your job when you inevitably start a drunken fight with your boss.
6 DON’T…hook up with co-workers
Cindy, the secretary, does indeed look good in those knee-high boots. And yes, her supple breasts are literally heaving out of her open blouse. However, the jollies you might get with a quick dalliance in the restroom are far outweighed by the rumors that will certainly swirl the following Monday. Combine that with Cindy’s propensity to sleep with everything that has a penis and you might as well schedule that clinic appointment for your itchy jock.
5 DON’T…bring somebody you barely know
This isn’t the time to bring that special someone you met on match.com or the blind date your sister has been begging you to take for months. You’ll be forced to try and entertain them while at the same time desperately hoping they don’t say or do anything inappropriate. If you really feel the need to bring a date, ask a friend. Otherwise, there’s nothing wrong going stag.
4 DON’T…forget people’s names
You’ll meet more people that you care to remember at your party and inevitably you’re probably going to forget a name or two. Don’t make things worse by calling somebody by the wrong name, especially if it’s your bosses wife. Calling her “Harriet” when her name is “Sheila” isn’t exactly going to help you get that end of the year bonus. Ask around and if nobody else can recall the person’s name, well then, just avoid them like the plague.
3 DON’T…dance (especially like Elaine Benes)
Easily the most disturbing episode of Seinfeld was Elaine’s grotesque dancing attempt at a work party. The hip gyrations combined with the leg kick was one of those things you wish you could unsee. With that in mind, steer clear of the dance floor. Especially if you think your version of the “dougie” looks anything like this.
2 DON’T…start a conversation involving politics or religion
As a general rule of thumb, in social situations where you are not intimately familiar with the person you’re speaking with, it’s best to avoid topics like politics, religion, and sex. So that trip you took to Hedonism 2 in Jamaica? Leave that one for your swinger friends. And with all due respect, nobody cares about your take as to why it’s called a “holiday” party and not a “Christmas” one.
1 DON’T…dress like a jackass
Leave the assless chaps at home and perhaps find a more suitable event to strap on your ’80s leather pants. This isn’t the time nor the place to try out some funky outfit that’s been sitting in the closet collecting dust. Dress for the occasion — if it’s formal, a suit and tie will work just fine, although, leave the Donald Duck tie your kids got you for Father’s Day at home.